My struggle with anorexia athletica

This is a post that is very difficult to talk about because its still with me and its a constant struggle but its something I need to talk about because it may be able to help someone else out.

This will be a two part post. First I'm going to share my story and how it effects me to this very day. The second part will be about how I prevent it and my struggles with it and stories about situations I was in because of it.


Anorexia athletica started when I was just 15. I was going through a lot of drama with school, my family and with boys so my diet and exercise routine started to become very intense. I would try to eat around 800 calories a day (I'm 5'6).
Anorexia athletica made me constantly want to exercise, I wanted to walk everywhere and exercise for up to an hour a day. I remember being so sick and just having to exercise, I injured myself frequently from over exercising and I would still try to exercise and if I felt I couldn't exercise well then I would eat even less.

I remember being in denial on and off. People would say I had a problem and I thought they're so judgemental and I just wanted to be healthy but no I had a problem. The sad part is I wore a size 1 yet I would see a fat girl in the mirror. My stomach was never ever flat enough and my thighs would bring tears to my eyes.

I just wanted to look beautiful. I just wanted to be told I was beautiful and I just wanted to feel beautiful.

When I was 16 turning 17 I went to Calgary to visit my cousin and boyfriend and they fattened me up with fast food and I didn't really have privacy to exercise so when I got home I felt horrible, I was lost. Not only did I gain 5-10lbs but I wasn't in love with my boyfriend anymore and my world just felt dizzy.

Once again anorexia athletica started back up but it wasn't as severe. I went through a couple boyfriends, I discovered my passion for makeup and I met a great guy (Devon).

Being with Devon made me feel happy and I still battled with anorexia athletica but it was a lot better however at times it did get bad. After awhile of dating we found out we were expecting out first baby. I exercised until I was 3/4 months pregnant nothing to intense and I ate like crazy. It was gaining a lot of weight I even cried about it but I knew it was for my baby boy and that got me through it.

Once my son was born my appetite was gone and I barely ate and I lost a lot of weight however I managed to start eating more and I got back in shape in a healthy manner. Then I got pregnant with my daughter when he was 16 months old and I gained 30lbs and I'm struggling with loosing it all.

It's been tough, it will continue to be but my kids are my anchors they keep me grounded. I would be going through anorexia athletica without them. It's a tough disorder I still am so tempted but I just no it's dangerous and I need to stay alive and healthy for my kids.

A big part of getting over anorexia athletica is learning your triggers and what makes the drive kick in. Mine is when I'm very sad, lonely, feel ugly & when I feel out of control. Those feelings are tough to deal with but I just try to control them and think happier thoughts. Anyways I'll write part 2 tomorrow.