<3

It's official Julianna's heart murmur is gone! So relieved, I feel blessed to have two perfectly healthy babies that were both early.

I have my 6 week pp check up later today so I will do another update soon!

Why hello soon to be due date!

Julianna was due April 30th it's just 3 days to her due date. Yesterday she turned 6 weeks old. She really is an impressive little girl. She drinks about 120ml and she is very alert. She's been able to recognize my voice for weeks. We give her the bottle and I breastfeed, because she eats so frequently and falls asleep easily at the breast I do supplement with a couple bottles of formula. (Nestlé & enfamil)

Just a few days ago she wanted to eat every hour (growth spurt) however she is back to eating every 3 hours except for when she stays up. When she stays up for a hour she will want to eat again before she falls asleep. The amount she eats will vary its usually 60-100ml.

Even though Julianna is preemie she can hold up her head when she's on my chest and when she's laying down she can move her head side from side. When she's laying in my arms she tries to sit up if she's resting on the jolly jumper pillow she can swing herself up.

Clothing wise she is now fitting perfectly in most preemie clothes some are still big on her. I do put her in some 0-3 months clothes but 99% are way to big.

This Monday she has her heart murmur apt so my next update will be on that and the following week she has her 2 month apt. It's crazier how fast time is flying by!

All Alone!

I'm so nervous, Devon is returning to work and I'll be taking care of two littles ones 19 hours a day 4-5 days a week. He will be working 9hours, the commute is over a hour there and over a hour back not to mention he will need at least 8 hours of sleep.

Ive been very lucky to have him home and be able to help me out during the day and do a morning feedings so I can sleep. I'm very nervous that its time for him to return to work.

Reality is that my daughter is horrible at breastfeeding, she takes over a hour and needs to be topped up with milk not to mention she's been eating non stop its like she's constant cluster feeding and barely sleeping. Then my son is a typical boy and always wants attention and to play.

If it was a typical 8 hour work day and local I wouldn't feel ancy but its not so it has my nerves rattled. I'm trying to tell myself I will manage and my kids will be happy and well cared for but I still have some doubt in my mind.

Julianna's heart murmur apt is on Monday and my 6 week apt is on tues so those two apts already have me nervous. I just need to women up I guess. Being a mom isn't easy and this is a new challenge but its not impossible.

Glitz and glamor

I'm up super late and holding my baby girl as she slowly drifts off too sleep.

Now lets talk the talk, the beauty talk. Below I will insert some pictures of the new and fabulous urban decay moondust shadows! I'm obsessed. I'm a proud owner of space cowboy, zodiac, glitter rock and diamond dog. In a picture below you will also see swatches of two of the other shadows.

So far I've only had a chance to wear diamond dog and zodiac. I've used them with the ud primer and a base. They looked fantastic for 7 hours and around 8 they started to crease. I really do love how glittery and stunning they are. It's going to be tough not to buy the green/gold shadow I doubt ill pick up the purple and grey shadow.

Overall I would love if ud released more shadows like a green with gold glitter, baby pink with purple glitter a teal with blue glitter or lime green glitter would be stunning too! Aha I would love to work for urban decay! Dream job right?

Birthday!

 So I've been slacking with updates but for a good reason, my iphone is broken (where I've been doing my updates as of lately.) I've also been getting ready for my sons birthday party which was today and it was fantastic. It was "Thomas" the train themed and we went to the park for a bit.

I've also been busy shopping for my babies! Maybe I'll do a blog haul of some of my favorite things I got, I went on a huge shopping spree and I put everything away so I can't show everything however I'll tell you a couple of my favorite thing for my daughter, son and myself. So for Julianna I got her a cute fluffy blanket that's pink on one side and the other side has animals on it I also her a cute yellow dress with animals having a party on it. For my son I got him a black and navy blanket that's super soft and I got him a bunch of cute clothes from h&m and joe fresh. For myself I splurged on the new urban decay moondust shadows, they're amazing but they work best with a good base I also got a gorgeous sea foam blue dress from sirens.

 Quick update on baby girl

She now weighs around 7lbs
Her eyes are blue
Shes breastfeeding better (still using the nipple shield)
She now gets one or two bottles of formula a day
She drinks around 100-120mls

A beautiful life I have

  I feel so very grateful to live my life! I have been with Devon for over 3 years & we have not one but two beautiful children together. We don't own our own home yet but we hope to in 10 years. I can honestly say I have every thing I want as of right now, even as a beauty and fashion junkie I feel content lol.

 Six years ago I would never imagine I would be living the life I am now. Growing up I was very spoiled however my parents struggled to be parents all the time, they tried there best and I know they love me but I feared to have kids and put them through the same things they put me through.

 I can confidently say I am my own person, I'm a mother to my own kids and I am different. I took the best qualities from my parents like my moms compassion and my fathers strenght yet I learned from there poor qualities. Yes I will make mistakes, God knows I already have but they won't be to the extent where I'm emotionally damaging my kids.

 I believe in encouraging my kids but not inflating there ego to where they believe they can do no wrong, I will raise my kids to be respectful and to not take even the little things for granted, I will treat my kids to nice things but I will not spoil them, my kids will learn they need to earn things they want. I'm sure I can go on and on but I won't because in my heart I know whats best for my kids and I will do my best to raise them well. That's all any parent can do.

2%

My little love big is now in the 2% growth tile and weighs 6lbs 6 oz she has gain 11oz in the past week. My doctor says she's doing really well and she will have her next appointment in 2 weeks.

Ups and downs

I recently got the nipple shield and it has helped a lot so I will continue to use it and I'm trying to stick with breastfeeding and pumping to top her up and just to have extra milk so Devon can give her a bottle a day. Overall she's doing great, she drinks 70ml usually and when she breast feeds she will drink 30-40ml after. I believe she's 6lbs now, she still sleeps most of the time and barely cries.

As for myself I've been doing ok, my back is hurting me though but that's about it, I do feel bloated but I've been eating really bad. I'm excited to be able to exercise soon however I don't know how I will gain energy for it lol...

Weak

I can handle labor and push a baby out in a couple minutes yet Breast feeding is breaking me down!

Today I'm getting nipple shields but there's a good chance if they don't work that I'm going to end up pumping and formula feeding.

Breastfeeding a preemie has been a struggle, her mouth is tiny so she basically gets my nipple and she has problems latching so it's been frustrating for us both ideally I would breast feed but I've been trying and I'm not feeling confident it's going to get "better" anytime soon.

It's sad how something so natural can be so difficult.

What's new?

I'm exhausted, but I guess that really isn't a surprise considering I have a newborn... I now breastfeed and then top her off with breast milk. My supply is still low so I may need to supplement in the near future.

Baby girl weighed 5lbs 12oz at her apt on Tuesday. She was 3 weeks & 3 days old. I'm so proud of her. :) My son is also doing great he turns 2 this month and is 29lbs.

Life is busy with two little ones but Devon makes things so much easier. I'm so grateful to have him in my life he's a fantastic father.

I'm really excited because this Friday where going shopping for our sons birthday and then next week we are going bed shopping, getting a new cabinet and going on a shopping spree. We've been so focused on getting Julianna out of the hospital so it's nice we can now do the things we were planning on doing like going to the zoo next month.

Anyways that's everything, I don't know when I will do my updates but I will try to have up a few updates every week.

Weird sleeping schedule

I feed on demand and sometimes my daughter will sleep for 2-3 hours and there's other times she asleep for over 4hours her longest stretch is 7 hours!

For a newborn to sleep that long is weird to me because my son usually got up every 3 hours. I guess she'll be the rebel that does what she pleases.

Post Baby Questions & Answers From a Veteran

1 How long does it take to loose weight?

After you have the baby you will shed the weight of the baby,"water" ie amneotic fluid and the placenta. In the weeks to come you will sweat off the water weight and of course there will be some fat too loose and it may come off on its own or you may need to work at it.

2 Can I tan and breastfeed?

 If you keep your breast's spray tan free then I don't see a problem.

3 Do you really have to wait 6 weeks to have sex?

YES!!! Having sex without being examined is foolish, you need to make sure your healed down there and even if you didn't have any stitches your still at risk for an infection.

4 Is it ok to let a baby cry?

NO, they need YOU. Most doctors don't recommend the Ferber method until they are 6 months old and thats so they learn to fall asleep on there own.

5 Can I add cereal to my babies milk?

I've heard of horror stories were the baby gets servery constipated, they end up hospitalized because there little tummy's aren't meant to consume it at such a young age so even if my doctor recommended it I would not do so.

6 Whats it like having a preemie?

Scary, need I say more? My blog posts describe what its really like.

Anyways my son is up so thats the end of this post!

3 weeks later What I REALLY feel

I am so proud of my baby girl she has come so far however my heartbreaks knowing what she's been through and that it's my bodies fault. It's a burden and I'm filled with guilt, I want to cry and I wonder why terrible mothers can have a full-term baby and I can't. My brain tries to forget what Julianna endured during the hospital but how could I ever forget? A part of me doesn't want to forget because it represents so much more. It represents how strong she is and how my family was there for me and kept me strong and it represents how my family united and stayed strong with support for a little girl that needed us more then ever.

When I got really sick my mom was there for me and I know I will be forever grateful, my mom was also there for me when I went into labor and during it. She kept calm and made me strong. As mother and daughter we have our ups and downs but at the end of the days she will always be my mother and I will always be her daughter and I know she will do her best to be there for me and I know I can only do the same for my daughter.

Breastfeeding

I wouldn't say it's easy but it's getting less difficult. I've been attempting breastfeeding everyday the past few days and today feels the most successful. I usually feel like a failure like its my boobs fault that she's having trouble getting anything out but just now gave me hope.

I heard gulping for the 1st time and it was a great moment however my supply is low so that's my new concern.


Anyways that's all I have to talk about for today :)

Wow baby

Just a quick update

Julianna is now 5lbs 3oz bringing her weight gain to 9oz in just 3 days. I'm so proud of her :)

Preemie princess

Julianna is starting to become more high maintenance as she seems to be constantly getting up. I'm accustomed to the regular 3-4hours a newborn and preemie feeding schedule so the frequent 2hour feeds have defiantly been new to me however I'm sure it's because of a growth spurt however I will talk to my doctor about it. Julianna has an apt tomorrow at 2:30. I have been noticing that she's becoming more alert and today she's been taking about 65ml. Off topic but Julianna does have a swing yet she's still so tiny so I don't know when she'll get some real use out of it. Also her apt with the heart specialist will be at the end of April.

Mommy update.

I thought I passed the yucky get up to be drenched in sweat ie water weight stage but nope last night my tshirt was soaked. I then woke up to find that my left boobs duct is clogged (ouch). My appetite is up and I'm always thirsty luckily when I pee I feel normal however after I have a relaxing hot shower my boobs start to leak which is a reminder that I'm a mommy with a small baby. On the plus side postpartum bleeding is slowing down. I've noticed on pregnancy boards with new moms that some are already having sex. Personally I would never I think it's very irresponsible and I will be waiting until 6 or 7 weeks after I've seen my doctor and we will be using condoms until I've been on bc for a month. Honestly I'm not looking forward to it, when I did it 6 weeks after having my son it was the most painful thing ever. I guess it's easier for women that are bigger and looser down there.

Anyways my Internet should be back up this week so I'm going to try to have up a couple short videos on my YouTube channel.

Day 17

Well lets start off with last nights recap first. When Julianna was in the hospital she got up every 4hours well since we took her out she gets up every 2-3 hours wanting to eat, I find that very strange because in the hospital she didn't get up early once. I did try breastfeeding and it was painful and she didn't take much of her bottle after because she was just so sleepy. So next time I'm only going to let her nurse for 5-10 minutes.

I didn't sleep much last night. I got 4hours of sleep max. I'm due for a nap, both the babies are sleeping yet I'm stuck pumping.

So far it's been really relaxed in our household. My son adores his baby sister there's not a tad bit of jealousy. Julianna has been a great baby however I wish she would sleep for at least 3 and a half hours because it takes around a hour to feed her and 40-50 minutes for me to pump so I could really use some more sleep. When she wakes up early she only drinks 45-50ml, when she sleeps for about 4 hours she takes 60-70 easily. I have noticed that she's a very fidgety sleeper, she makes a lot of noises too.

With me there is nothing new to report... I did notice a couple very small stretch marks on the left side of my tummy which brings my count of new stretch marks up to 6 I believe. I'm very excited to do some shopping for my babies at the end of the month. By then Julianna will be over a month old.

I am waiting to set up an apt for her with my family doctor and she has a heart murmur so she needs to see a specialist. They're usually no big deal and I pray that goes for her.

Easter surprise Day 16

It was a pleasant surprise when Devon called Easter morning to find out that Julianna was coming home!


We got ready and left at 1:30pm and dropped off our son then we headed to the hospital and I started to feed her while Devon got together her stuff and signed the paper work. Once that was done we were thrilled to leave lol.

I sat in the back with Julianna until we got to my parents street then I moved to the front just incase anyone was outside Once we pulled up I told Devon to pretend he was on his phone. I went inside and gave my son a hug and proceeded to distract everyone which was tough because my nosy sister kept peaking out the window! My son then went to the door and was looking out the screen getting all excited that was when Devon brought her in. Everyone was so surprised and happy and it made this Easter VERY special :)