My struggles with anorexia athletica part 2

I'm at the point of my life were I've had two babies close in age and now I have a lot of extra weight that I just can't stand. I don't expect to be 118lbs but I do want to be 20lbs lighter.

I reweighed myself to find I'm weighing in at 150lbs. My old scale was reading wrong so it was devastating to see and hell ya it's temping to want to start eating less and exercising like crazy but I know it's not right and I need to treat my body properly. After all it graced me with two of the most precious gifts.


Gaining weight was a sacrifice, it taught me what's really important. Unfortunately not all women get that reality check, for some women it will always be about that number on the scale.


I remember when I would go out with friends and they would ask why I wasn't hungry or why I didn't want to eat or did I have a problem and I would just say I wasn't hungry. I remember having such negative thoughts while they were just trying to help, just trying to be a real friend.



Real friends ask the tough questions and can be "too" bold but it's because they care. Fake friends are the ones that look away.


I may be heavier then I would like to be but I won't let that define me. I will get healthier and I will be aware of the fine line I could cross.

Remember to eat a good amount of calories you can check health charts to figure out how much you should be consuming. Also be careful how much you exercise as there is such thing as too much. I hope you found this blog insightful if you struggle with a disorder I recommend you seek help and if you know someone with a disorder just be there for them in the best way you can.

Reweight

So I got a new scale and its showing I'm at 150 grrr! My boobs are full as I am quitting pumping so hopefully by Sunday My boobs will be drained and I can start proper weigh ins.

I will be deleting my old weigh ins as they were inaccurate. I might of lost weight or stayed the same.

As of today I am 150lbs and I will continue weigh ins and updates on Sundays/Mondays.

My struggle with anorexia athletica

This is a post that is very difficult to talk about because its still with me and its a constant struggle but its something I need to talk about because it may be able to help someone else out.

This will be a two part post. First I'm going to share my story and how it effects me to this very day. The second part will be about how I prevent it and my struggles with it and stories about situations I was in because of it.


Anorexia athletica started when I was just 15. I was going through a lot of drama with school, my family and with boys so my diet and exercise routine started to become very intense. I would try to eat around 800 calories a day (I'm 5'6).
Anorexia athletica made me constantly want to exercise, I wanted to walk everywhere and exercise for up to an hour a day. I remember being so sick and just having to exercise, I injured myself frequently from over exercising and I would still try to exercise and if I felt I couldn't exercise well then I would eat even less.

I remember being in denial on and off. People would say I had a problem and I thought they're so judgemental and I just wanted to be healthy but no I had a problem. The sad part is I wore a size 1 yet I would see a fat girl in the mirror. My stomach was never ever flat enough and my thighs would bring tears to my eyes.

I just wanted to look beautiful. I just wanted to be told I was beautiful and I just wanted to feel beautiful.

When I was 16 turning 17 I went to Calgary to visit my cousin and boyfriend and they fattened me up with fast food and I didn't really have privacy to exercise so when I got home I felt horrible, I was lost. Not only did I gain 5-10lbs but I wasn't in love with my boyfriend anymore and my world just felt dizzy.

Once again anorexia athletica started back up but it wasn't as severe. I went through a couple boyfriends, I discovered my passion for makeup and I met a great guy (Devon).

Being with Devon made me feel happy and I still battled with anorexia athletica but it was a lot better however at times it did get bad. After awhile of dating we found out we were expecting out first baby. I exercised until I was 3/4 months pregnant nothing to intense and I ate like crazy. It was gaining a lot of weight I even cried about it but I knew it was for my baby boy and that got me through it.

Once my son was born my appetite was gone and I barely ate and I lost a lot of weight however I managed to start eating more and I got back in shape in a healthy manner. Then I got pregnant with my daughter when he was 16 months old and I gained 30lbs and I'm struggling with loosing it all.

It's been tough, it will continue to be but my kids are my anchors they keep me grounded. I would be going through anorexia athletica without them. It's a tough disorder I still am so tempted but I just no it's dangerous and I need to stay alive and healthy for my kids.

A big part of getting over anorexia athletica is learning your triggers and what makes the drive kick in. Mine is when I'm very sad, lonely, feel ugly & when I feel out of control. Those feelings are tough to deal with but I just try to control them and think happier thoughts. Anyways I'll write part 2 tomorrow.

Weigh in 2

At my last weigh in I weighed 148. This time I weighed in at 147lbs.


Honestly I am quite shocked. I've been eating pretty good however I was super busy this week & slacking so I only exercised 3 times when I should of exercised every day.

This week is my birthday week so my goal will be not gaining weight! If I can still manage to loose a pound that would be great ;)

I'm going to avoid gaining weight by exercising everyday for at least 10 minutes, eat small portions if I do have cheat foods like cake and I'm going to try to drink more water.

If you have any weight loss tips let me know. :)

Products I've used up!

 If you already haven't checked out my empties video ft some of my favorite products then you should, it took me awhile to put it together so I hope you like it! :)

Blogging every day, what?!? & a Tornado!

I make YouTube videos once a week but with two babies it can be really difficult so I've decided I'm going to try to start blogging everyday! (Will still make YouTube videos as well).

Everyday sounds a bit daunting but I think it will be fun and nice to look back on :)

In Ontario the weather has been sooooo hot so there's been quite a few tornado warnings so going out has become kind of scary. Today we had to run some errands and the weather went from scorching hot and humid to kind of cool and windy. It started getting dark out and storming. It was pretty nerve wracking but luckily things have calmed down.


Anyways hopefully the weather stays safe here and wherever my lovely readers are too! :)

Fun things to do this SUMMER!

I thought I would share my summer plans so that maybe it will give some ideas to other people.

So for my Birthday I'm spending it at my parents because Devon will be at work however the next day I will be going shopping probably at the Yorkdale mall. It has some very trendy stores like Brandy Melville , Zara and Topshop all of which I've never been too.

 I will also be taking my kids to wonderland which is an amusement park, there's lots of rides, food and even a huge water park so it really is fun for the entire family.

 The following week we will be going back to the Yorkdale mall and meeting up with my mom's cousin and her two sons and we will be going with them to the rainforest cafe and of course we will end up shopping lol...

Towards the end of August Devon and I will be taking the babies to the CNE, they're is soooo much but we like going specifically for the food, shopping and kids area.


Lastly we might go up with my parents to my Aunts cottage however it's not a for sure thing because we will be pretty busy as you can probably tell however she is selling it next year so it may be our last chance.

  Well those are my plans I've worked hard to plan it all out and budjet everything in and Devon works hard so we can do these things.

 Last year money was tight however we still managed to have a nice summer. We went to the beach, zoo, parks, local splash pad, CNE and we had a great time. I would say that summer we spent around $500 that includes shopping money this year we will probably spend around $1000 and thats not including the spending money for my Birthday.

 So no matter what budjet you have you can definetly have a great summer you just gota make the most of it and look at whats going around in your town or local towns, theres usually fun things going on like rib fest, small concerts and parades.